Surviving Marriage and Family Life Through the Distance

Long distance relationships are different from couple to couple and we would want to cover as much ground as we can to be able to help support each other through these times. I am in a relationship with an OFW, while Penelope is in a relationship with a foreigner. We're both single. I meant, not yet married (yes, hoping to be married naman…SOON! Hehehe!) plus without kids. So we don't have any experience with marriage and family life. Obviously. Plus I think given my trauma, I do need some support to strengthen my belief that long distance marriages do work.

I thought long and hard (oh okay for like a moment lang) that we needed to get someone to share their experience on their long distance marriage and family life. Aaaaanddddd WE DID! I was able to convince (well, just ask nicely…Hehehe!) a classmate of mine to share her long distance marriage and family life through contributions (whenever she can because she is a busy family woman) in Loving the Distance.

So today I am introducing Mrs. Jones Get to know more about her long distance marriage and family life after the jump…

Give us a short description of your long distance relationship

I've been in a long distance relationship for 3 years. Being in a long distance relationship is quite new in our 18 years of married life. We are forced into LDR by economic factors. Kids are already growing up and we want to send them to good colleges — this was our primary motivator when Hubby grabbed the opportunity to go abroad in December 2006. Now, we continue to choose being in an LDR because we are working for our retirement!

What are the Top 3 challenges you face in a long distance relationship marriage?

Three challenges??? hmmm…

1. Communication – Ideally, the message is more clear if its delivered face to face. With the distance, the message is subject to lots of misinterpretation. We spend more effort to explain via email, text, long distance calls etc.
2. Aligning our goals – As individuals, we maintain different personal goals but as a couple, we must have synergy. Hence, I come up with goals for the family and he approves or suggests something. Sometimes, I find it a challenge to align our personal goals with our family goals. It takes some reframing and a lot of negotiations. In the end, we manage.
3. Adjustment when he comes home and when he leaves again - Hubby comes home once a year. We have to adjust to being together again for 1 month. This may sound weird and funny, but when you get used to being alone and independent for 11 months, you will understand. Then when you are getting the hang of seeing him by your side, he must leave again. On the bright side, this makes me more flexible.

Despite these challenges, how has the distance made your relationship / marriage stronger?

This is a tough question…hmmmm… Being in a long distance relationship helped our marriage stronger since now we are trained to be stronger as individuals by making decisions for ourselves and there's less analysis paralysis. On my end, I learned to be more independent and understood a little bit of plumbing and electrical repairs at home.
Being away from each other allowed us time to pursue our own passions in life. We are more accountable to each other, there's less blaming if something goes wrong. We learn the lessons faster. We constantly remind each other of the blessings that we have. We are more optimistic and individually, we enjoy closer relationships with our children.
Allow me to share our motto for the year (ito kasi ang drama namin if we feel overwhelmed na with challenges): Individually we become great and as a couple we are unstoppable! (o, di ba?)

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I am actually looking forward to her stories as well. So I hope you all give Mrs. Jones a warm warm welcome

Love the distance,

Inday I. Nagintay

Love the distance,

Inday I. Nagintay