My Permanent Happy Thought

This Lenten season, I face one of the greatest challenges of my life. Ever. Last year, I decided to give up one of my greatest loves: RICE. Yes, I spent 40-days (I think even more than 40-days) without eating rice. My beloved, my preciousssss rice. Twas hard and I can’t believe I made it through the entire 40-days without it.

But this year is different. How different?

I wanted to level up and challenge myself that I could give up something even more for the Lord. As the priest said, one needs to say no something bad in order for one to say yes to something better. This inspired me. Initially, I just thought of giving up rice AND pork. I’d say no to “bad” things: carbs and fatty pork, to say yes to a slimmer me. Good enough sacrifice? Level up, yes definitely. But I thought that the Good Lord deserved better. Something waaaay greater than the deadly combo of my two food loves.

So after much deliberation, I’ve decided to give up one of my greatest vices: WORRYING. Yes I am a self-confessed worry wart. Before I even decided to give up worrying, I was already worrying on how I could give up worrying. Ayos. Major migraine caused by worrying! My head was bursting with anxiety the night before Ash Wednesday. I knew this was my Lenten sacrifice because this was my saying no to something bad and saying yes to something much, much better. I had to give up worrying or else…Eep.

That Ash Wednesday morning, I woke up with a smile on my face and a skip to my step. Work was the usual stress, but somehow it was easy breezy. So this is what is feels like to give up my daily (or even minute-by-minute) worries. It is soooooooo damn LIBERATING! I’ve been worry free for the past 1 week and 2 days. And I am so proud of myself! It was and is certainly not an easy feat. But I swear, I can (and would like to) keep this up forever and ever!

What has helped me in the past week and days is my minute-by-minute visualization of happy thoughts. But it was only two nights ago that I realized my permanent happy thought. That image of my permanent happy thought was further crystalized by my Dodong’s verbalizing of his recent day dreams that made him smile to himself. Can you guess what those day dreams were?

Sigh. Basta those day dreams pasted a silly smile and a goofy grin on my face

Darling, believe me, YOU really are my permanent happy thought. I love you. I am so looking forward. That’s all I can say for now. You are enough to fuel me for the next 36 days (if the countdown widget is not mistaken) of Lent and more…

Love the distance,

Inday I. Nagintay