Being in a long distance relationship came as both a blessing and a bane for our wedding planning. It had its ups and downs, highs and lows just like in any long distance relationship…

The Good

• I got down and dirty in wedding planning.
  • I am really a hands on person, which goes to show I am a control freak. Hehehe! So this time I get to do almost everything myself. Some brides may not enjoy this, especially if you are busy. But even with my busy schedule (crazy workload!), I made sure I devoted my nights and weekends for our wedding planning. The thing is I had no one else to delegate this to right?
• Dodong minimal intervention.
  • This is not to say that the groom did not intervene with any of the details in the wedding. Dodong had his say (surprisingly, more than what I expected) because he was a major stakeholder in the wedding. He was the “Godfather” of our wedding (even though I had my fair share of the expenses). So he had his say in the big ticket items like the Church, the Reception venue and the food. But then in the minute details, like table numbers. the cord, the gift wrapping, I was given more freedom to work on them.
• I got to bond with my sisters, my mom and other super friends.
  • Even OC, hands-on brides also need some help! I am so glad I had my sisters, my mom and my super friends (especially my matron of honor) to at least keep me company in errands galore I had so much fun and miss them so much already!

The Bad

• Conjugal Pre-requisites need to be planned extra carefully.
  • Admittedly, wedding requirements are not long distance relationship friendly. There are a number of requirements including the marriage license, pre-that needed the physical presence of Dodong. I guess, both the Church and the government have not explored a work around for this. We were blessed that Dodong had the chance to come home so we could work on the requirements together. The timings of Dodong’s leaves and mine as well were mapped out ever so carefully to make sure all conjugal requirements were accounted for.
• I had no driver.
  • I love commuting and can commute anywhere in Metro Manila. But the thing is, there were times that I needed a driver like when it was raining cats and dogs or there were  literally heavy loads to be lifted. I knew if Dodong was with me, he would drive me around…even if against his will. Hehehe!

So far these are my experiences in our wedding planning with me in Metro Manila and Dodong in far, far away Dubai. I know of some couples with different LDR wedding planning situations like the groom in Manila and the bride elsewhere. I'd love to know how you guys have planned for together apart. Any learnings to share?

Image from Tales from Shop

I’m so PROUD to say that our wedding is really OUR WEDDING. I know in my heart (and so does my wallet) that it is 100% Dodong and Inday’s wedding. Let me count the ways…

1st, Dodong and I paid for 100% of our wedding.

So what if we paid for our wedding? Don't all couples pay for their own weddings? Hmmm…not in the Philippines. There are cases where both parents (bride and grooms) shoulder the entire wedding expenses. Or sometimes parents pay for a large share of the wedding expenses. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. BUT, in my humble opinion, when both have been working for X number of years, shouldn’t you be capable of raising funds for a wedding? Just a thought.

In our case, we did pay for it every single cent. It was a challenge, raising money for the big day. But I am so thankful and blessed that we were able to do it TOGETHER.

He actually offered to shoulder 100%, but I declined. In my  mind, if this was OUR wedding, expenses should be shared. I know, I know. Some girls would say that I should have taken the offer. BUT, just as in business, to be a major decision maker, one must be a major stakeholder in the project. Hehehe. Hence, I paid for my fair share too So you will see a lot of my personal touches in the wedding…which leads me to the second point.

2nd, Our wedding concept reflected our personalities!

Being the major stakeholders of the wedding, so it was OURS to make. The parentals had minor inputs and basically the show was OURS. Hehehe!

It was mostly mine, as like with most guys, they are not as interested in the wedding frou frou details. But Dodong was firm on what he wanted and more of what he didn’t want in the wedding. So I took his inputs into serious consideration. Of course, he was a major stake holder too

It was seriously hard work. Busy weekends. Sleepless nights. Seemingly endless debates (yes, we fought over a lot of things too). But in the end, I think it was worth it because this is the beginning of OUR life together as husband and wife

3rd, last but not the least, this wedding is proudly OURS because we did not get into debt!

I've noticed in the wedding fairs that I've visited that the credit card and bank loan guys have been pushing and pushing and pushing their products for to-be-weds to avail. But I believe in two things:

1. Spending outrageously for a wedding, which is just ONE DAY, is ridiculous. You have a whole marriage to look after pa…which is a lifetime. One day versus a lifetime?
2. Starting a marriage in debt is a NO, NO, NO!!! My family has been in debt and it is not a pretty picture. I know I don't want to start on that path.

So I am proud to say that every single penny has been paid for already. No credit card bills. No bank loans. No balance payments anymore. We are starting fresh! A fresh new beginning and I am sooooo excited!

June 16, 2011

Yes you read it right…Dodong and I are tying the knot today! TODAY!

Gulat ba kayo? Hehehe!

I can't believe that after almost a year of LDR wedding planning, it is really happening! And we are now beginning the rest of our lives after 9 long years

More long distance wedding posts soon!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...not all the time.

2011 is my health and beauty and love year. I so declare it. Hindi talaga pwede maging losyang EVER. So earlier this afternoon, I showed up at my appointment with the dermatologist…

Not that I was planning not to show up, but after a year of not being so diligent with the skin routine plus experimenting skin products here and there; my problematic skin just needed an emergency jumpstart for the year.

My derma said that I MUST be diligent with the daily skin routine and the visits at least for the 1st 2 months. And I will. I promise. My skin is just such a bother that I cringe every time I see myself in the mirror. And oh boy did the derma session hurt! Both my face AND my wallet. Boo. But then again, prettifying has it's benefits, so I mind the expense but in the end it is worth it.

I remember the very FEW times that Dodong told me I was pretty. Hehehe. Yes, he is a hard customer to please. But it made me heart flutter! Wouldn't you want to hear those kinds of compliments again and again and again?

So to BEAUTY! Go go goooooooo!

Go for it! Just do it!

Both Dodong and I have been quite busy nowadays. I have my hands full with a new job, sidelines, friends and a long distance relationship, while Dodong is juggling his new responsibilities at work, paying the bills and saving up for the future plus keeping healthy through diet and exercise.

Obviously, with my sched, exercise still isn't in the equation. That's why I decided (on impulse!) to join 360 Fitness in Ortigas Center, which is a hop and a skip away from the office. As I was on my 2nd work out yesterday, I realized that keeping my body fit and healthy is the same thing as keeping our long distance relationship healthy too. How? Read more after the jump

For it to work, it must be CONSISTENT.

Looking forward to this at least 3x a week

I signed up for an ANNUAL membership to make sure I go. And so far, I've gone 2x since I signed up last Tuesday. Hehehe. I need to work out at least 3x a week for the next year in order to get back in shape. Since 360 Fitness offers circuit training that you can sweat it out in just 30-solid minutes, I think it would be no problem fitting it into my sched.

And with exercise, consistency is key just as in a long distance relationship. Long distance relationship couples need to consistently communicate. I must say, it has to be consistent QUALITY communication, and not just quantity.

Nowadays, in our situations, I am definitely missing the consistent quality communication We've been so busy…Sad face.

Have some VARIETY to keep things fresh.

360 Fitness offers group classes aside from circuit training

What I also liked about 360 Fitness is that they offered other group classes like Yoga, Striptease, Hip Hop, Kickboxing and TRX on top of the uber cool circuit training. I get bored easily so I need the variety in my exercise routine as well. I did circuit training AND power yoga yesterday and it was Kick-ass!

In long distance relationships, keeping things fresh is just as important in order to nurture that love despite the distance. Dodong and I are actually a bit steady in our routine. So I try to look for ways to keep things exciting like have little surprises during special occasions like anniversaries (or monthsaries…yes we do greet each other) and birthdays.

When stressed out, get a breather and RELAX.

Ahhhhh...I'm addicted to TonTon's promo rates

This week has been admittedly stressful, bodywise and relationship-wise. Bodywise, well, it has been adjusting to the new schedule and I must admit I have stretched myself. So I took my aching body to TonTon Thai Massage, my current massage place favorite, to soothe ze muscles. I make sure I drop by during promo hours (between 1230PM to 6PM) to enjoy Php 100 off and upgrade the 1-hour massage to a 1.5 to 2 hours massage.

Relationship-wise, I've been so lonely and we've actually been at each other's throats. So I needed some alone-time to cool off and get the hormone levels down. Relax relax lang when on long distance relationship stress. I'm afraid we might say or do things we might regret in the end.

How else can we keep our long distance relationships healthy?

Love the distance,

Inday I. Nagintay

P.S. 360 Fitness Gym is at the 13th Floor of the Strata 100 Building along Emerald Avenue, Ortigas Center Pasig City. Visit their website here

The gates to loneliness are empty.

When one (or rather two since a couple is involved) is in a long distance relationship, both must expect fairly regular dealings with the sickness of LDR loneliness. One sickness that I am going through at this very moment. One sickness that I loathe to the core because it's so hard to get out of…plus it is regular in long distance relationships.

Do you have your bouts of LDR loneliness too?

I would like to reiterate that I do get them, at least once a month. Sometimes I feel that people think that I'm ok and that it's a breeeze since it's been two years. But it's not…

There are times that…

• I cry myself to sleep because Dodong thinks that he can't talk to me plus I'm nahihiya to tell other people.
• I treat myself to a good meal to offset the loneliness. Very expensive at times.
• I go to my favorite massage place (Tonton's Thai Massage at the moment) and get a two-hour body massage. Expensive too.
• I just walk around like a zombie in a crowded mall.
• I stare into space. Okay, this is similar to the previous one.
• I write a lonely email to Dodong.
• Or yes, write a blog post like this one.

How do you deal with your seasons of LDR loneliness?

Love the distance (Do I really??? I just hate it sometimes),

Inday I. Nagintay

Unlocking the computer genius in me...

Since yesterday late afternoon, I have been experiencing problems with the internet connection, rather the lack of an internet connection. The modem was blinking properly and so was the router. Or so I thought. Usually, in problems like these, I do get to be a damsel in distress with Dodong.

I am a Marketing person. I am not techie (even though I do blog). But really, if I still have a report card today, the computer subject would be one of the lowest grades on it. On the other hand, Dodong is a Computer Science graduate and definitely has more techie know-how than I do. So in times of technical support, he is always there to rescue me.

But since I was on my own, without an internet signal for me to call on him for rescue, I did have to figure this out by myself…

So what did I do?

FIRST, I turned off both the modem and Linksys WRT54G Version 7 router then turned them on again. I checked the internet signal on the modem first: Ok the ethernet and DSL lights were lit. A good sign. Then the router DSL and WLAN lights were lit. Another good sign. My dah-ling (the name of my MacBook Pro) had a signal but still couldn't connect to the internet. Darn.

SECOND, since that didn't work, I called PLDT, thinking that their internet connection would be the problem. After 10 million years of holding the line (NOTE: I was able to wash the dishes and give the dog – who was outside of the house – some water is an indication that I waited for 10 million years), PLDT asked me to do a series of tasks, which I already did (that was the first step) and then asked me to connect my laptop directly to the modem for a single connection. Soooo..it worked! Therefore, PLDT is not the reason for no internet connection.

I then remained connected to the modem, old school style, and researched on how I could get my precious wifi back. I enjoy using my laptop on my bed you know?

I also asked support from friends, who are more techie, via a shout out on facebook. Thankfully I got some suggestions and tried them out when I got home earlier this evening.

THIRD, So I tried out what I researched and what the other techie friends suggested. I then reset the Linksys router, pressing the tiny button at the back of router for 15-30 seconds. And it didn't work. Bah. I needed my internet in my room badly. Hehehe. So I went back to single connection mode and researched some more.

FINALLY, I found the answer! Here is the step by step of what I did (in the best way I can describe it):

1. I pressed the orange Cisco Logo in front of the router until it flashed white.
2. I then accessed http://192.168.1.1/ on my Safari
3. Clicked on the Wireless Tab
4. Clicked on the green Lock Icon

Then VIOLA!

Obviously, I am now enjoying the internet connection in the comfort of my bed The better thing is…I learned all of these on my own…without Dodong's help! YEHEY for me!

Doesn't it feel good to accomplish techie things on your own?

Love the distance,

Inday I. Nagintay

P.S. Pls don't ask me why I did that because I cannot explain to you technically. I just followed and it worked! That all that matters for now

Missing the empty space beside me...

We have been married for 18 years and I have gotten used to waking up with a warm body beside me.

Well, the warm body was the first thing that I missed when Hubby went to work to the land of sheiks, sand, and camels.  Like in any addiction, I experienced withdrawal symptoms! The first month was pure hell.

… I would suddenly wake up at 2 in the morning and wonder if he was with his buddies in their usual hang out. I grab my phone to text him "WRU?" only to remember that he is miles and miles away from home.

… I would wake up annoyed from the loud "Bayang Magiliw" played by TV stations signing off. (Hubby usually turns off the TV after watching news programs.) I find it difficult to sleep again after that.

… I would toss and turn and complain that there's too much space and the bed is too big just for me!

It's been 3 years that he's been away and I have fully adjusted to having the bed all by myself. Now you ask me, "How did you get used sleeping alone?"

Here are some of my "survival" tips:

1.     Surround yourself with pillows – This is how I coped up with my problem about our big bed. Having pillows around helps mimic the feeling of being "surrounded" and hugged.

My next project would be to invest in goose down pillows! It's not warm though, I wonder if there are heated pillows?

2.     Try aromatherapy – I bought some linen and room sprays to create a peaceful ambiance for our room.  The scent of lavender lulls me to sleep and I wake up calm and refreshed.

There was a time when I indulged in buying fresh flowers for our room. Nothing beats waking up to fresh green scent and bright blooms!

However, I ditched the flowers one week before our monthsary. I remembered Hubby surprising me with flowers on special occasions.  For now, organic pillow spray is enough for me.

3.     Borrow a baby to keep you busy – I am not kidding!!! I offer baby sitting privileges to my sister for her 1 year old baby. Since I'm working, I can only do this on weekends or during long vacations.

Having a baby by my side presents 2 benefits:  It keeps me distracted all night leaving me no time to become "senti" and "emo" plus a baby's hug is truly a delight! It is so pure and trusting.

4.     Be productive – When Hubby was here in Manila, I would rush home from work to join the family for dinner. On the first month that he left, I started joining groups such as the Cashflow group.

We would have long hours discussing investment potentials of properties.  I am not a numbers person and Math exhausts me. I forced myself to learn doing financials to compute the ROI, cash on cash returns, projected monthly passive income for properties, etc. After the meetings, I would go home totally exhausted and just sleep.

5.     Turn off the TV before sleeping and just read a book – Nowadays, the least welcome appliance in our room is the television (at least for me). I still turn on the TV but I only watch the Lifestyle Network and Disney Channel and that's enough for me. In fact, it is only lately that I became reacquainted with kapamilya and kapuso.

I read books but I veer away from romance novels and love stories lest my tear ducts become active again. I am hooked on self-development books focused on finding my right livelihood and my passion.

A special place in my bookshelf is reserved for my "wealth" books. These are books on wealth management, earning passive income, real estate and other investment books.

Why am I reading these books? Simple, I just want us to be financially free, retire and for hubby to go home!

There are lots of creative and wacky ways of conquering loneliness and keeping the love alive in long distance relationships. The trick is to find what works for you.

Start small and see what works. If one strategy does not work, ditch it! I've tried other means but these are the Top 5 that worked for me to cope up with our big cold bed and helped me get used to sleeping alone.

So now, you ask me, "How did you get used to eating alone?"

Love the distance,

Mrs. Jones

I thought long and hard (oh okay for like a moment lang) that we needed to get someone to share their experience on their long distance marriage and family life. Aaaaanddddd WE DID! I was able to convince (well, just ask nicely…Hehehe!) a classmate of mine to share her long distance marriage and family life through contributions (whenever she can because she is a busy family woman) in Loving the Distance.

So today I am introducing Mrs. Jones Get to know more about her long distance marriage and family life after the jump…

Mrs. Jones works on keeping her Zen through her Long Distance Marriage

Give us a short description of your long distance relationship

I've been in a long distance relationship for 3 years. Being in a long distance relationship is quite new in our 18 years of married life. We are forced into LDR by economic factors. Kids are already growing up and we want to send them to good colleges — this was our primary motivator when Hubby grabbed the opportunity to go abroad in December 2006. Now, we continue to choose being in an LDR because we are working for our retirement!

What are the Top 3 challenges you face in a long distance relationship marriage?

Three challenges??? hmmm…

1. Communication – Ideally, the message is more clear if its delivered face to face. With the distance, the message is subject to lots of misinterpretation. We spend more effort to explain via email, text, long distance calls etc.
2. Aligning our goals – As individuals, we maintain different personal goals but as a couple, we must have synergy. Hence, I come up with goals for the family and he approves or suggests something. Sometimes, I find it a challenge to align our personal goals with our family goals. It takes some reframing and a lot of negotiations. In the end, we manage.
3. Adjustment when he comes home and when he leaves again - Hubby comes home once a year. We have to adjust to being together again for 1 month. This may sound weird and funny, but when you get used to being alone and independent for 11 months, you will understand. Then when you are getting the hang of seeing him by your side, he must leave again. On the bright side, this makes me more flexible.

Despite these challenges, how has the distance made your relationship / marriage stronger?

This is a tough question…hmmmm… Being in a long distance relationship helped our marriage stronger since now we are trained to be stronger as individuals by making decisions for ourselves and there's less analysis paralysis. On my end, I learned to be more independent and understood a little bit of plumbing and electrical repairs at home.
Being away from each other allowed us time to pursue our own passions in life. We are more accountable to each other, there's less blaming if something goes wrong. We learn the lessons faster. We constantly remind each other of the blessings that we have. We are more optimistic and individually, we enjoy closer relationships with our children.
Allow me to share our motto for the year (ito kasi ang drama namin if we feel overwhelmed na with challenges): Individually we become great and as a couple we are unstoppable! (o, di ba?)

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I am actually looking forward to her stories as well. So I hope you all give Mrs. Jones a warm warm welcome

Love the distance,

Inday I. Nagintay

Some things, on the other hand, are best done ALONE.

Although there are a lot of activities I do miss doing with Dodong, I'm super blessed to have more time to do things that I enjoy on my own. Aminin! I'm sure you also have stuff to do that your partner doesn't exactly enjoy 100%. For me, these included:

1. I have more time to savor in more sophisticated (and expensive!) food. Dodong found it a waste to spend so much on food which was served in such miniscule amounts. Hehehe. It was Quantity over Quality for Dodong versus Quality over Quantity for me.
2. I have more time to indulge in artistic endeavors (I know feeling artistic…). While Dodong enjoyed his Basketball (and cable TV), I had some artsy fartsy stuff going on like taking photos, watching movies and plays and more.
3. I have more time to learn things I've always wanted to learn in "school". While Dodong thought it was a tad bit waste of money, I believe it's an investment in my personal growth.

Why I do believe in the value of alone time when there's so much to being a two-some??? Here's why after the jump…

Celebrate your individuality

I recognize the difference in personalities, like and dislikes between myself and Dodong. And I celebrate this! It's my uniqueness that made Dodong fall in love with me in the first place. So why drown myself in his personality / life?

I celebrate my love for gourmet food! I celebrate my love for the arts! I celebrate my love for learning! It's great to be me

Nurture your personal growth

Because I recognize and celebrate this difference, I make sure that I continue to grow. I don't lose out on the activities that I enjoyed when I was single (and not in a relationship just yet). I know I come out a better person when I get to expand my gastronomic horizons, explore my artistic capabilities and educate myself with the ever changing ways of the world.

Build your own life

Because I believe my life doesn't depend on his life at the same time, his life doesn't entirely depend on mine anyway. I've got my own thing going on which I believe is worth devoting some precious time and effort to. Aside from Dodong, I've got my career, my family and friends too!

Don't you deserve to be given the best by your own self now that your on your own?

Love the distance,

Inday I. Nagintay