Bond strengthened by the distance

It was fate to have reconnected with Shelley during our high school reunion last December. She was recently married to her husband, Dave, who is in the US Navy based in Japan last October.

What is extra cute about this couple: Dave shares his version of their love story And I think he is a gem since not all guys are like that. Hehehe. I know Dodong isn't! Well I think at least now he isn't. Hehehe. Dave writes extensively but I assure you it is worth your time

Here is Dave and Shelley's story on Loving the Distance….

Share with us your long distance love story.

After graduating from college in 2006, I decided to take off to the United States to live with my mom and dad and to seek opportunities. Parting was one of the hardest moments we have felt, and this is really a big, big step especially after being solidly together for 5 years.

Nights of conversations became loneliness at times. Longing for each other could really get depressing too.

The following year I landed a job working for the US Navy. To go through the stage of the boot camp training, we need to be isolated for about 3 months meaning, no internet nor phone calls. We were only allowed one phone call to tell immediate family members that we safely arrived the recruitment center. I opted to call Shelley to tell her that everything's fine. The best thing I could tell her everything is through snail mail. Each and every time someone delivers letters, I would always wait that one that came from the Philippines. I believe that those moments were the loneliest.

After boot camp training and "A" school, I requested to be assigned in Okinawa Japan in a Naval Hospital so that there will just be a little time difference to where Shelley's at, and thankfully, it was granted! Nearer, but still apart, Shelley and I kept the communication lines open and the fondness grew stronger despite the distance. We could not say for sure that it was as smooth sailing as before, but every time I plan to go back, I always find myself anxious to come home to the Philippines just to be with her again. On December of 2008, During one of my trips back home, Shelley and I went to Boracay island to officially ask for her hand.

A year after, which was our 8th year being together, we got married on the 26th of October 2009 at the Mandaluyong City Hall of Justice. We had a simple gathering with family members only.  It was one the happiest days of our lives.  After the ceremonies, we went out and had simple dinner at Makati. Though simple the celebrations were, we were both glad we finally did it! And now, I am in the process of taking care of the paperwork that will get her to me, for good.

What are the Top 3 Challenges you have faced in your LDR?

Making use of technology to nurture that LOVE!

1. TRUST – For you to trust someone most of the time, it requires you to be there to see for yourself what's happening. Believe me, no room for errors on this one. Once broken, it'll be as twice as difficult to fix.
2. Physical presence – The touch, kiss, hugs, etc… are still different when they are felt rather that typed. Being in a steady relationship for 5 years made it really challenging for us. However, the anticipation would always gets us excited, making us feel that it was all worth the wait.
3. Misunderstanding – Yes, even in simple cases of typing messages, emails, even the tone in speaking could be misleading and thus simple petty fights can happen, which shouldn't have to begin with.

How did the distance help you build your relationship into what it is now?

The Proposal!

The distance made us struggle because it's hard when you badly want someone to comfort you when no one else is there. However, it builds you as a person because it makes you stronger to think that it's…just distance!  It made us stronger in a way that through an experience such as this, you will now know what you have to do and how to cope with it. Distance helped us both grow in a way and helped a lot in our maturity as individuals.  It helped us learn that complaining would just stress us both. Instead, find solutions! If it doesn't work, try again! Distance is now just a factor, and not a problem anymore.

What are the Top 3 words of wisdom you can share to those in LDRs like yourselves?

Yiheee! KISS!

1. Communication is ALWAYS the key. It is much easier now than in pre-historic times! Also, be clear with the messages you are sending out and never assume. If anythings unclear, ask away. "Tampuhans" can only worsen it.
2. Have a plan, the PLAN being in the end you'll end up together. Just like what a wise man once said, "begin with the end in mind".
3. Make every effort to get each other closer to you physically or emotionally. In our case, we are both diligently working on our paper work to get to that goal of being there physically. On the emotional aspect, daily assurance is also a key factor.

See? You can make it through the distance just as Dave and Shelley did Keep that love alive guys!

Love the distance,

Inday I. Nagintay

P.S. If you want to share your own long distance love story, email us@lovingthedistance.com

Congratulations and Best Wishes to Ryan + Reena!

I really am proud of couples who have made it through the distance. So as part of this advocacy, I am featuring couples who would love to share their success in how they have celebrated the romance, nurtured the love and defied the distance in their relationship.

I was so happy to hear (well, actually see on Facebook) that an ex-officemate of mine finally tied the knot with her boyfriend (yes, now husband!) whom she was in a LDR with. I remember when we used to chit chat on how they made things work for both of them. And at that time, the idea of a LDR for me and Dodong was very remote so I couldn't relate as much.

Here's their story…

What is your love story?

We met in Boracay, where a lot of love stories begin.  I was on vacation, Ryan was on vacation.  When we got back to Manila, we dated until it was time for him to go back home to California.  That was in the Christmas season of 2005.

Ryan + Reena

We kept in touch via phone and sometime in June of 2006 we just decided to make the relationship official – on the phone too!  Since then we would promise to visit each other at least twice a year.  I would take at least a 1 month vacation there or he would come to Manila.  The longest vacation I took was in May 2008 when I stayed in California for 3 months.

Ryan + Reena

We were pretty serious about the relationship from the start but we were very skeptic about how it would work.  In November of 2008, Ryan came to Manila for a surprise visit and that's when we realized that we just couldn't do the long distance thing anymore.  So he decided to stay here and we got married May 2009. 

What are the challenges you've faced being in a LDR?

Ryan + Reena

Oooooh the fights we would have because of misunderstood text messages.  And once in awhile we would also get so frustrated about the long distance situation, we would find ourselves in the near brink of just giving up.

How did the distance help your relationship?

The relationship developed in a way that regular boyfriend-girlfriend relationships sometimes don't…we had hours and hours of conversation.  From the trivial to the deep.  We found ourselves talking about everything from our fears to our friends and fiends.

Ryan + Reena

So instead of our mind getting muggled by hot kisses and comforting hugs (sometimes people confuse that for love), we built a friendship and love that we know will last until we grow very very old.

What are the Top 3 Tips you can give those who are in LDRs too?

a.  Communicate my dears! Technology is now so advanced, take advantage of it!  Even for just 1 minute a day, you have to find the time to talk.

Ryan + Reena

b.  Update each other constantly! Post pictures of yourself (especially the pretty ones) so he remembers how cute you are.  When you're happy, when you're sad… text him so that he is always a part of your life even if you're very very far away.

c.  Always make plans. Plans to see each other, plans to talk the whole Saturday on Skype, plans to finally be together — especially the last, you have to make some kind of deadline — even if it keeps on changing.

Ryan + Reena

What's your Loving the Distance story? Share with us your love story and email to us@lovingthedistance.com

Love the distance,

Inday I. Nagintay