Bond strengthened by the distance

It was fate to have reconnected with Shelley during our high school reunion last December. She was recently married to her husband, Dave, who is in the US Navy based in Japan last October.

What is extra cute about this couple: Dave shares his version of their love story And I think he is a gem since not all guys are like that. Hehehe. I know Dodong isn't! Well I think at least now he isn't. Hehehe. Dave writes extensively but I assure you it is worth your time

Here is Dave and Shelley's story on Loving the Distance….

Share with us your long distance love story.

After graduating from college in 2006, I decided to take off to the United States to live with my mom and dad and to seek opportunities. Parting was one of the hardest moments we have felt, and this is really a big, big step especially after being solidly together for 5 years.

Nights of conversations became loneliness at times. Longing for each other could really get depressing too.

The following year I landed a job working for the US Navy. To go through the stage of the boot camp training, we need to be isolated for about 3 months meaning, no internet nor phone calls. We were only allowed one phone call to tell immediate family members that we safely arrived the recruitment center. I opted to call Shelley to tell her that everything's fine. The best thing I could tell her everything is through snail mail. Each and every time someone delivers letters, I would always wait that one that came from the Philippines. I believe that those moments were the loneliest.

After boot camp training and "A" school, I requested to be assigned in Okinawa Japan in a Naval Hospital so that there will just be a little time difference to where Shelley's at, and thankfully, it was granted! Nearer, but still apart, Shelley and I kept the communication lines open and the fondness grew stronger despite the distance. We could not say for sure that it was as smooth sailing as before, but every time I plan to go back, I always find myself anxious to come home to the Philippines just to be with her again. On December of 2008, During one of my trips back home, Shelley and I went to Boracay island to officially ask for her hand.

A year after, which was our 8th year being together, we got married on the 26th of October 2009 at the Mandaluyong City Hall of Justice. We had a simple gathering with family members only.  It was one the happiest days of our lives.  After the ceremonies, we went out and had simple dinner at Makati. Though simple the celebrations were, we were both glad we finally did it! And now, I am in the process of taking care of the paperwork that will get her to me, for good.

What are the Top 3 Challenges you have faced in your LDR?

Making use of technology to nurture that LOVE!

1. TRUST – For you to trust someone most of the time, it requires you to be there to see for yourself what's happening. Believe me, no room for errors on this one. Once broken, it'll be as twice as difficult to fix.
2. Physical presence – The touch, kiss, hugs, etc… are still different when they are felt rather that typed. Being in a steady relationship for 5 years made it really challenging for us. However, the anticipation would always gets us excited, making us feel that it was all worth the wait.
3. Misunderstanding – Yes, even in simple cases of typing messages, emails, even the tone in speaking could be misleading and thus simple petty fights can happen, which shouldn't have to begin with.

How did the distance help you build your relationship into what it is now?

The Proposal!

The distance made us struggle because it's hard when you badly want someone to comfort you when no one else is there. However, it builds you as a person because it makes you stronger to think that it's…just distance!  It made us stronger in a way that through an experience such as this, you will now know what you have to do and how to cope with it. Distance helped us both grow in a way and helped a lot in our maturity as individuals.  It helped us learn that complaining would just stress us both. Instead, find solutions! If it doesn't work, try again! Distance is now just a factor, and not a problem anymore.

What are the Top 3 words of wisdom you can share to those in LDRs like yourselves?

Yiheee! KISS!

1. Communication is ALWAYS the key. It is much easier now than in pre-historic times! Also, be clear with the messages you are sending out and never assume. If anythings unclear, ask away. "Tampuhans" can only worsen it.
2. Have a plan, the PLAN being in the end you'll end up together. Just like what a wise man once said, "begin with the end in mind".
3. Make every effort to get each other closer to you physically or emotionally. In our case, we are both diligently working on our paper work to get to that goal of being there physically. On the emotional aspect, daily assurance is also a key factor.

See? You can make it through the distance just as Dave and Shelley did Keep that love alive guys!

Love the distance,

Inday I. Nagintay

P.S. If you want to share your own long distance love story, email us@lovingthedistance.com

I thought long and hard (oh okay for like a moment lang) that we needed to get someone to share their experience on their long distance marriage and family life. Aaaaanddddd WE DID! I was able to convince (well, just ask nicely…Hehehe!) a classmate of mine to share her long distance marriage and family life through contributions (whenever she can because she is a busy family woman) in Loving the Distance.

So today I am introducing Mrs. Jones Get to know more about her long distance marriage and family life after the jump…

Mrs. Jones works on keeping her Zen through her Long Distance Marriage

Give us a short description of your long distance relationship

I've been in a long distance relationship for 3 years. Being in a long distance relationship is quite new in our 18 years of married life. We are forced into LDR by economic factors. Kids are already growing up and we want to send them to good colleges — this was our primary motivator when Hubby grabbed the opportunity to go abroad in December 2006. Now, we continue to choose being in an LDR because we are working for our retirement!

What are the Top 3 challenges you face in a long distance relationship marriage?

Three challenges??? hmmm…

1. Communication – Ideally, the message is more clear if its delivered face to face. With the distance, the message is subject to lots of misinterpretation. We spend more effort to explain via email, text, long distance calls etc.
2. Aligning our goals – As individuals, we maintain different personal goals but as a couple, we must have synergy. Hence, I come up with goals for the family and he approves or suggests something. Sometimes, I find it a challenge to align our personal goals with our family goals. It takes some reframing and a lot of negotiations. In the end, we manage.
3. Adjustment when he comes home and when he leaves again - Hubby comes home once a year. We have to adjust to being together again for 1 month. This may sound weird and funny, but when you get used to being alone and independent for 11 months, you will understand. Then when you are getting the hang of seeing him by your side, he must leave again. On the bright side, this makes me more flexible.

Despite these challenges, how has the distance made your relationship / marriage stronger?

This is a tough question…hmmmm… Being in a long distance relationship helped our marriage stronger since now we are trained to be stronger as individuals by making decisions for ourselves and there's less analysis paralysis. On my end, I learned to be more independent and understood a little bit of plumbing and electrical repairs at home.
Being away from each other allowed us time to pursue our own passions in life. We are more accountable to each other, there's less blaming if something goes wrong. We learn the lessons faster. We constantly remind each other of the blessings that we have. We are more optimistic and individually, we enjoy closer relationships with our children.
Allow me to share our motto for the year (ito kasi ang drama namin if we feel overwhelmed na with challenges): Individually we become great and as a couple we are unstoppable! (o, di ba?)

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I am actually looking forward to her stories as well. So I hope you all give Mrs. Jones a warm warm welcome

Love the distance,

Inday I. Nagintay